This Week On Eastenders

Steve Macfadden is an utterly faultless thespian, let's just get this fact out of the way first. Since 1990, Phil Mitchell has waddled around our screens on BBC1 with his gravelly (no, not so much gravelly - it's more akin to a fully operational quarry in his throat) voice causing ruckuses throughout Walford in a whirlwind of alcohol abuse and womanising.

Steve Macfadden as Phil 'Crack-whore' Mitchell (copyright BBC)

It'd be no surprise for a casual viewer to turn on Eastenders at the moment and finding Steve doing what he does best (I hope to God it's not method acting; for then I fear for the Macfadden man dem); which is basically acting drunk in the wake of the loss of his children. But, alas, the scriptwriters clearly wanted to challenge his acting prowess and have written in a crack addiction for Phil to cope with (surely fathering Ben would have that effect on most people? - Ed) - making Phil Mitchell and his accomplice Rainie Cross the Doherty & Winehouse of Albert Square.

After merely three days on crack cocaine, the Mitchellite's flat already looks like a leftover set from Danny Boyle's Trainspotting (what is it about drawn brown curtains and creating an instant nicotine-stained addict mis-en-scene?) and viewers have already forgotten about Lucas-gate. But what else has been happening in Walford-the-place-to-be? Well, there's Janine and Ryan getting engaged and a sleazy mysterioso trying to buy the Vic - not the most action-packed week on the Square, but I'm sure next week will entertain with an episode set entirely within Phil's David Lynch-esque subconcious during a bad trip - Inception meets Requiem for a Dream with a cockney vibe.